Laurels of Grace

Counting One Thousand Gifts

2012-01-28T12:26:00.001-06:00

My Mom sent me the book “One Thousand Gifts” in December and at the beginning I had a hard time starting the book. I had already read a little bit about Ann Voskamp and I knew that Emerging Mummy was counting to one thousand gifts on her blog but I didn’t really understand the foundation on which they were counting.

Voskamp’s book is based on the word eucharisteo, which comes from the root word charis, meaning grace and also chara, meaning joy. We find it where Jesus takes the bread and knew it to be a gift and gave thanks. “Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo – the table of thanksgiving.” She is then challenged by a friend to count to one thousand gifts of things she loves. And out of that challenge a book is written and a new but really old concept is passed on to others.

As I read the book, the concept of eucharisteo began to resonate deeply within me. I have been seeing all the ugly and none of the beautiful. The year and a half that we have lived in Madison have not been easy on me to say the least. I have resented living here for most of the time but have been able to find some good things about living here too. For instance, the opportunity to be able to completely pay Andrew’s school bill while taking a fully paid trip to Ireland, and also being able to fly to Washington to visit family and also to fly home for a couple weekends a year was not what we expected to do when we moved here. Plus, we do live outside one of the most famous cities in the world and all we have to do is hop on a train and we are there in an hour exploring all of its exciting places! So, there has been some beautiful in the sea of ugly.

Of course, part of this has been me only wanting to see the ugly around me and not see the beautiful, small things that come into my life each and every day. I seem to think in my life that if I could live in my own house instead of an apartment, or have a baby, or live close to home, that I would be happy. Instead, I need to be content where I am right now. I jumped into counting the small gifts at the end of December and I can already see the effect of it. I am happier, I am looking for joy in the small things, and I am beginning to appreciate the ugly-beautiful more.

Voskamp wrote, “’Wherever you are, be all there’ is only possible in the posture of eucharisteo. I want to slow down and taste life, give thanks, and see God.” This is what I want for my life. I want to appreciate each day that I am given and live it to its fullest.

{Counting One Thousand Gifts – 1 to 41}

1. walks on sunny days in winter
2. warm blankets straight from the dryer
3. special wink from my love
4. pink tulips blooming
5. cappuccinos
6. breakfast in bed on a lazy Saturday morning
7. twinkly Christmas lights
8. girls giggling over secrets in the tub
9. fingers typing in the quiet of a Sunday night
10. the heater ticking as it warms our apartment
11. my love putting jelly-bellys in my hand
12. texts from Beka

In January we met my parents and my siblings in St. Thomas for a weeklong vacation. We had rented the house and purchased our tickets back in June and had eagerly awaited our trip for so long! Getting to St. Thomas was a bit of a challenged for all of us. Andrew and I got up super early on a Tuesday morning and had a taxi drop us off at the airport. After boarding our first plane we found out that it had a leak in the baggage compartment. Two hours later we were on our way. We were so thankful when our wheels finally touched down on the tarmac in St. Thomas! Meanwhile, the rest of my family was having their own delays in Atlanta. Their flight from Atlanta to San Juan didn’t have a crew scheduled and that made their plane take off late, which caused them to miss their flight from San Juan to St. Thomas. Long story short, four of them had to spend the night in San Juan and two of them were able to fly into St. Thomas late the first evening!

We had thought we would be able to spend the evening of the first day together but our plans drastically changed. We were so thankful when everyone made it to St. Thomas safe and sound. We celebrated with a French toast breakfast and a trip to our first beach!

It was a wonderful week of snorkeling, swimming, being tossed about in the waves, eating, drinking Bushwackers, touring Charlotte Amalie and St. John, spending precious time with family, long conversations, grilling on the deck, playing cards, savoring wine, stopping by the grocery store every day we were there, soaking up the sun, and just being still! I was in desperate need of some sunshine and came back rested and relaxed!

13. sunshine
14. white beaches
15. blue-green water
16. coral
17. waves crashing on shore
18. coffee on the deck
19. sailboats
20. Bushwacker
21. tiny hand reaching out waiting for the wave to come to shore
22. pelicans diving from high in the sky
23. sun kissing the ocean floor
24. snorkeling with Mom and Dad
25. multi-colored fish
26. all 8 of us crammed in a car made for 5!
27. business meetings in clear blue-green water
28. long conversations on the deck in the light of a full moon
29. dinner at sunset
30. white sand under the stars
31. palm trees waving in the breeze
32. hugs at the airport
33. praying as the plane heads toward the runway
34. huge puffy clouds floating by the house
35. Sophia ~ cancer free
36. large heads instead of cancer
37. learning to say “yes”
38. smell of suncreen wafting through the air
39. the color of Larimar
40. airplane wheels touching the tarmac
41. smooth straight roads

This Blog

2012-01-19T11:51:00.004-06:00

So. Hmm. This blog. . .well, it has been a bit of a hodgepodge over the last few years. I started it ithe summer of 2007 when I was traveling for Faith Baptist Bible College on a music team. I gave updates about our travels to family and friends. Then the summer was over and I started a full-time job working for Faith. I didn't really have a lot of time to blog and then I started dating Andrew and we got married and that was the end of the blog!

The blog has been neglected for at least the last 2 years. Andrew keeps telling me that I need to get a game-plan for it or maybe I should just not do it. The majority of the hits on my blog are for the videos I have posted or the lyrics to a song. Writing is not easy for me. Andrew is the writer in our family! But, I have these ideas in my head and I feel like I need to get them out. I realize that I don't really have a following for my blog and that is fine with me. I have been reading so many great things and I want to share them with others. I think that is one reason why I want to get back into blogging.

I have also struggled with how personal to make this blog. At the beginning, I didn't want to put a lot of personal information out on the net. But, the majority of the blogs that I read are personal. They talk about their families and their lives. Let's be honest, that is why we like to read them! I am realizing that I just need to write and not worry about it being too personal!

Anyway, back to the beginning. I am trying to decide what to do with the blog. I have thought about writing about leaving the fundamentalist cult in which I grew up. I'm not sure I want to do that. I also have been reading a lot of books and I might review some of them. I have my best ideas for writing when I am giving the baby her bottle right before nap. By the time I make it downstairs the thoughts have all left. I also have a hard time trying to end my blogpost. Most of the time I feel like I am just ending but not really closing it out like I should.

I think it comes down to me putting pressure on myself to be like other blogs but not really be me. I am working on being myself instead of trying to be like everyone else! This is not coming easy for me and it is taking a long time. A lot longer than I want it to take!

Thanks for listening, friend.

Christmas/Advent

2012-01-06T20:19:00.011-06:00

This year we did something different with my family. We decided instead of buying each other gifts we should save our money and go on a vacation. We found a house in St. Thomas this past summer and decided to all meet up after Christmas.

As the holidays approached, I felt out of sorts a bit as my normal Christmas activities/habits were disrupted. I wasn't doing my Christmas gift shopping or baking cookies or anything. It didn't even feel like Christmas. That is when I realized that maybe my focus during the Christmas season has been off. I really wanted to participate in Advent this year and read Emerging Mummy's book list. I decided to order Waiting for the Light to use for my Advent reading. It was wonderful. Waiting for the Light was exactly what I needed for this Advent and this season of my life! I also tried to keep up with the Book of Common Prayer as much as I could.

I also read this article by Ann Voskamp and it really resonated with me. I shared it with Andrew and we are thinking about doing this in future years. Guess what I got for Christmas? A cow donated in my name! Andrew was looking at buying me some perfume but could not bring himself to spend the money on it and instead used the money to buy a cow in my name. I loved it. It was the best present I got for Christmas! I was so thankful too. I really wanted this Advent season to be about giving money to others and not spending it on myself.

My employers gave me a very generous Christmas gift: a Coach handbag. I have used it and am still figuring out how I like it. I feel like it says, "Look at me, I have a lot of money. I have a designer handbag. I am wealthy." However, that is not true of my life and I don't want my money to be spent on me. I want to be able to help those less fortunate instead of living a luxurious life.

Andrew and I are still figuring out our traditions throughout the holidays. We bought an Advent candle but we didn't do a very good job of burning it every day.

This Christmas was also the first Christmas that we spent in our own home. Since we live so close to New York City we spent Christmas Eve in the city! We had a wonderful time making memories!

Advent Reading #3

2011-12-11T12:59:00.000-06:00

‎. . .Sometimes we get tired of waiting. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes we cry with the Psalmist, "How long, O Lord?" Advent honors this place of waiting. Advent invites us to embrace the waiting. Advent reminds us that God is present and active when we feel like we're just marking time, or getting through, or barely holding on. Taken from "Waiting for the Light - An Advent Devotional"

Advent Reading #2

2011-12-07T21:03:00.000-06:00

"The least likely place seems to be where I always find Jesus-in the sweet small ways my heart is pricked and I don't even know why, the beauty and power of a simple hug, a meal shared with friends, a kind gesture that brings dignity, one more day of sobriety for my brave friends, dollar store gifts that pass on hope. In gas money exchanged, in the dark places of friends' stories, in the flicker of a prayer candle, in the messiness of my house that often mirrors the messiness of my heart. In a long list of little ways that are so easy to miss if I'm focused on the most likely. These lovely small unlikely things give me hope." Taken from "Waiting for the Light - An Advent Devotional"

Advent Reading #1

2011-12-06T20:23:00.001-06:00

"Jesus was the one who was out there in the world, hanging out with the uncouth and common members of society. Sure, he delivered challenges to his culture and found moments for retreat, but he didn't shun it because he despised it for getting in the way of his contemplative spiritual journey. The Messiah showed up where no one expected him to. Born to a poor family in the unexpected dinginess of a stable, he subverted all cultural expectations." - taken from "Waiting for the Light"

Random Musings

2011-11-07T14:11:00.007-06:00

So, after over a year of not blogging I am back. I think this last year was a year of finding out who I am these days. My life has pretty much been turned upside down in the last 10 years and I am finally coming into my own. This post is about random things going on in my life right now.

The color on the trees is at its peak right now here in northern New Jersey. I am trying to soak up as much of the oranges, reds, yellows of the trees as I can right now before we head into the white that is winter. It is good for my soul to see the sun coming down through the leaves of the trees. I was standing in the yard wishing I had the camera to capture the beauty that is fall.

I have been reading a lot lately. Right now my stack of books includes "Grace for the Good Girl", "Playful Parenting", and "Bossypants" by Tina Fey. They are all very random but that is me. All of them are fitting for me at this point in my life. I may not be a parent but I am raising two girls by myself over 50 hours a week and I want us to have fun. Playful Parenting has been very good for me to read as I get stressed when conflict arises and I tend to react badly to the situation. This book has helped me lighten up with the girls and turn a stressful situation into a goofy one!

Two weeks ago, the family I nanny for took a vacation and I flew home for a few days. I was originally supposed to fly back on Wednesday but I changed my ticket to fly back on Saturday. It was just what the doctor ordered. I was in great need of a quiet, restful week. My body was beginning to get very tense from stress before I left. It was wonderful spending an uninterrupted week with my siblings and parents. I haven't been home for a week in the fall since 2009. We took walks, drank wine, cooked, read books, went through old letters, laughed, drank more wine, had an early Thanksgiving dinner, played cards while listening to Oldies, shopped, drove around the old hometown and many more glorious things. I made it into Newark on the last flight out of Detroit late Saturday night in the middle of a blizzard.

We picked up a "Book of Common Prayer" this weekend at the used bookstore in Madison. I am excited to start using it. I also am looking forward to Advent and using the church year in my personal life.

I have already figured out my next post which is a good sign that I might be able to pick up this blogging thing again. I think I will need to format it on a computer though instead of from my iPad.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day. . .

2010-03-17T13:59:00.002-05:00

I bind unto myself today
The strong name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,
By power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan River;
His death on cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the Cherubim;
The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour;
The service of the Seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.
I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, his shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death-wound and the burning
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,
The strong name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
salvation is of Christ the Lord.

My husband also wrote an excellent paper on St. Patrick's Lorica.

5 years ago. . .

2009-11-30T12:23:00.003-06:00

Five years ago today my life dramatically changed. During my senior year, I was kicked out of the college I had been attending for three and a half years. My world came to an abrupt halt, and I had no idea what to do or where to turn. God used in my life to break me of myself, to show me the power of the Gospel, and to bring me out of legalism.

I was a student at Bob Jones University. I thought my senior year would be the best year out of my four years in college; however, I entered college that year with a very despondent attitude. I did not want to be there.

I had spent 5 weeks in Germany that preceding summer being exposed to many new things about ministry and about a personal relationship with Christ that I had never seen practiced at BJU. I had seen liberty and freedom in Christ and I definitely knew that would not be the case when I went back to school. I was very tired of living a Christian life where my relationship with Christ was made up of the things I did, wore, did not wear, said, did not say, etc.

I did not want to have to follow the strict rules or to submit myself to the authoritarian legalism that defined the school. However, in my mind I knew I only had one year left, and I thought, “I can do this. If I can just make it through this last year of school, then I will not have to worry about it anymore.” I was supposed to be a Prayer Captain that year, which is an important leadership position in the dorm. When I checked in for my senior year I found out that two of my roommates were freshman. I also found out I was not in the same dorm as all of my other friends. They were going to be living in another dorm at the opposite end of the girl’s dorms. That was a depressing thought. I was going to be taking a big class load, and knew I would be busy with dorm obligations, classes and work. Also, my brothers were starting their freshman year and I knew I would be spending time with them. There wouldn’t be time for much else.

About two weeks into the semester I saw an acquaintance from my previous German class. We had taken two semesters of German together our junior year, but we really never talked in or out of class. We hung out in two different crowds at BJU. We started chatting about our summer and ended up having a great conversation. I thought he was cute, and I thought he might be someone in whom I could be interested. However, I didn’t think that anything would really come of the conversation, but I started running into him more and more. We each had a class at the same time in the same building, and it let out before chapel. We would walk together to chapel and just chat about things. This started to become more consistent and I wondered where our friendship was heading. We were both definitely interested in each other, and the more we found out about each other the more we realized that we had similar backgrounds and seemed to be heading the same direction.

We quickly moved from being just friends to something more. Now, at BJU you cannot date off-campus unless you have a proper chaperone. A proper chaperone is someone who worked at the University or was an immediate family member. My “friend” had many family members living in Greenville who qualified to be chaperones, so you would think that we would have taken advantage of that. However, we decided to be independent of them. My “friend” ha d a cousin who lived in Greenville, and he was close to her. We wanted to go visit her. She was not a proper chaperone, but we devised a way to get there anyway. We had to check out of the dorms on different passes to make this plan work. He was going to spend the night at her house, and I was going to check out of the dorm under a shopping pass. I drove out to his cousin’s house, and we had dinner with his family. Of course, there were nagging thoughts in my mind that we should not be doing this, but I quickly shoved it away. After dinner his cousin and her family disappeared to another part of the house, and we decided to pop in a movie. After we watched the movie, we just sat on the couch and talked. While we were talking, my “friend” asked me to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes!

Our relationship kept moving quickly and we were really getting to know each other very well. We were still rendezvousing at his cousin’s house. The more we got to know each other the more we wanted to be with each other, and our relationship became more physical. It moved from holding hands to kissing but we never went past that. All of these offenses result in immediate expulsion from the University. We knew that, but we really did not care. We did not tell our friends where we were going or what we were doing. We did not want them to be responsible for what we were doing, and we thought we were pretty safe. Of course, we still knew we could be shipped for our actions.

We spent Thanksgiving holiday in Dauphin Island, Alabama as a family. It was wonderful to be away from Bob Jones for a few days of freedom and family time. My family always refreshes me, and I draw my strength from them. We were right on the ocean, and it was wonderful to see God’s beautiful creation. We left on Monday morning and drove all the way back to BJU. Even though there were two weeks left in the semester, we were dreading going back. We arrived on campus right before check-in time, and I dropped the boys off at their dorm. It worked out well because I was able to see my boyfriend and talk with him. He had spent Thanksgiving break in Indiana, and we hadn’t seen each other for a week. We were excited to see each other the next morning at breakfast and to catch up on everything that had happened. I had already purchased a ticket to fly to Pittsburgh to meet his family during Christmas break, and we were finalizing all of our plans for that trip.

Tuesday morning I woke up and met my boyfriend for breakfast. I then went to class and to work, jumping right back in to the routine of the school schedule. I had to work that afternoon where one of my friends popped in to check some details. She really didn’t talk to me, which I thought it was kind of odd since we had not yet caught up from Thanksgiving break. At the time, I did not think much of it. I spent the night in my dorm room working on homework. We had a Prayer Captain meeting that night so I had to make sure everything was covered for prayer group. As we were getting ready for bed that night, my hall leader came to our room and said that the dorm supervisor wanted to talk to me about something. I was a little surprised, but I didn’t think it could be too bad. I knew that my roommate had a lot of demerits, and she was on the edge of being campused. This meant that she could only leave campus to go to church and home. Thus, I assumed that this was the topic about which the dorm supervisor wanted to talk to me.

When I walked into the dorm supervisor’s apartment I immediately knew that this conversation was not going to be about my roommate, but it was going to be about me and what I had been doing with my boyfriend. This was at eleven at night, and I was tired from a long day of work and school. Not only was my dorm supervisor in the room but another dorm supervisor was in the room from the dorm in which my friend from work lived. It then dawned on me why my friend had not wanted to talk to me at work that day. The two dorm supervisors immediately began questioning me about my relationship with my boyfriend. They asked if I had been in a few different places, and I told them the truth. (If you tell a lie and they have evidence that you are telling a lie, that is grounds for automatic expulsion.) They told me that someone had come to the dorm supervisor from the other dorm. That person had said they had some suspicions about me and what I had been doing with my boyfriend. I knew exactly who it was that had turned me in, and it hurt a lot. During this time I could not talk to my boyfriend, but I knew that he was probably in a similar meeting with his dorm supervisor. This was verified for me when the dorm supervisor from the other building left the room for a while and then came back and asked questions from a different angle. I knew that they were trying to make sure our stories matched up. She had called my boyfriend’s dorm supervisor and asked him what my boyfriend had told them. We of course knew that if our stories didn’t match up that we were going to be immediately expelled. I only told them the bare minimum of details because I didn’t think it was any of their business to know anything more than that. The dorm supervisors wanted to know every detail of our relationship, and they were relentless in their questioning. They did not have a relationship with me, and they didn’t need to know the details. The dorm supervisor from the other building asked us why we did broke the rules, and I told her that we wanted to get to know each other without the confines of the regulations of the school. We wanted to know what the other person was like outside of the University. She could not wrap her mind around the concept that we would be different outside of the school’s legalistic environment.

After about two hours of questioning, which felt more like an interrogation, I felt like I had committed a heinous crime. They told us that we were officially shipped and that we would now be shadowed. I could not go anywhere without my hall leader right there with me. They did allow me to call my parents, although I was not the one who initially called them. The dorm supervisor from the other building called them and told them that I was shipped. They then let me talk to my parents. It made me so mad that I could not even tell them myself. My parents already knew what was going on, and they knew there was a possibility that I could be shipped. Thus, they were not all that surprised. Of course, they were extremely disappointed in me, and I knew I had failed them. It was awful. The dorm supervisors had to call my hall leader, and she had to spend the night in my dorm room. It was now around one in the morning, so all of my roommates were asleep for which I was thankful. I do not think I could have faced them and told them everything if they had still been up that night. By the time I woke up Wednesday morning one of them had already left for class, and I was not able to tell them altogether. They were very surprised and shocked, and I felt like a huge failure. I had not been a good example to my roommates, and it was terrible. I was not allowed to see anyone else or even call them to tell them that I was moving off campus that day. Thankfully, they allowed me to meet my brothers in the Dean of Women’s office during chapel and tell them face-to-face what had happened. Again, they weren’t surprised by what I was doing, but they were surprised at the end result. They also knew the person who had turned me in, and that was hard for them to take. I felt horrible for them. I had failed them and let them down. On top of that, I would not be able to talk to them until they came home for Christmas break.

After I met with my brothers I went back to my dorm room and immediately began packing to move out of my room. I would not be allowed back on campus for at least a year. I knew in my heart I would not be coming back to attend the school, so I needed to take everything with me. I had called a friend in town, and she said she would let me stay with her. I also was able to contact my boyfriend and found out he was going to his cousin’s house, so I knew I could connect with him there. This whole time I was in a panicked state and disgusted with myself. Mom and Dad were trying to find a flight for me to get home, and they found one for the next day, which happened to be my Mom’s birthday. That made it even worse. I managed to get all of my stuff packed up by the afternoon and loaded it all into our Jeep. It was so full you could not see out the back. When I left I had to go through the front gate, and when I stopped at the gate the public safety officer came out and scratched the tag off of the Jeep. It was awful. I felt my like my life had ended. My brothers would later pick up the Jeep and keep it until Christmas break.

I left the school and drove to my boyfriend’s cousin’s house where he was already. We were glad to see each other, and we just sat and talked for a long time about everything that had happened. We had to deal with the shock. He had to tell his parents what had been going on, and that was not pleasant for him. We didn’t know what would happen to us, because I was flying home to Kansas and he was driving back to Pittsburgh. After spending a long time at his cousin’s house I finally left and went to stay at my friend’s house. The next morning my boyfriend picked me up, and he drove me to Atlanta in order that I could catch my flight. The whole way there we were trying to figure out what we were going to do. We were both seniors, and we were two weeks away from finishing our next to last semester. I didn’t want to go back to BJU, and he didn’t either. We were trying to figure out if we could transfer to another school and graduate from there, or if we should just work. We were in a state of panic. Again, it was awful.

I arrived at the airport in Kansas City and my parents were there to pick me up. They were so kind and gracious to me, and it was hard for me to take. I felt like the prodigal daughter who had committed the greatest sin in the world. They took me home, and I moved back into my bedroom. Of course, I spent a ton of time talking to my boyfriend on the phone and trying to figure out what we were going to do. I requested my transcripts from the University, and they sent them. It was hard to see my whole senior year with the classes listed and no credits beside them. I lost a semester of 18 credits. I started looking at other schools to apply and trying to find out how many semesters they would require for me to graduate.

Meanwhile, I still had my plane ticket to fly out to Pittsburgh to meet my boyfriend’s parents. That helped me have a better attitude, because I was excited about seeing him even though the circumstances were a little different than they should have been. I flew out to Pittsburgh the day my brother’s got home from college. I wanted to spend time with them, but I was more concerned about what I wanted at that point. I flew into Pittsburgh, and my boyfriend picked me up at the airport. We had to drive about an hour and a half to get to his parents house. I met them and we had dinner. Then we were off to a Christmas party for the adults in their church. I was able to meet some of his friends that he was close to which was good for me. It was helpful for me to see him in his home context where he was comfortable. We spent a lot of time together. Spending time together became more difficult the closer we got to me leaving. It was Christmas, which is supposed to be a wonderful time of year, but this year was not. We didn’t know when we would see each other again, and we were really struggling with what to do. I could tell some things might not be right between us, but it was easier not to deal with those problems.. I flew home a few days before Christmas, but I really didn’t participate in what was going on around me. I spent a lot of time in my room, and I was having a lot of inner turmoil. I knew I did not have a right attitude and that I was trying to control my future by making things happen that I wanted to happen. I knew that my relationship with my boyfriend was not healthy, but I did not care. I wanted what I wanted. I remember my Mom coming into my room one night right before Christmas, and she was so disappointed. She told me that I was ruining Christmas for my siblings, and it hurt her very much. Looking back, it is amazing to see how selfish I was and how little I cared for anyone other than myself and my boyfriend who was hundreds of miles away. I came out of my funk long enough to enjoy Christmas, but it was not great. I did not want to see others happy when I was so miserable inside.

During the holidays, my boyfriend decided that living at home was not a good idea for him, and he decided to move to Indiana to be closer to his sister and friends. I had a hard time with that, because I knew he would be near friends. I had absolutely no one except for my family, and my brothers would soon be going back to school. Things were not going very well for him at home, and he decided he should move out. I had been looking at a nanny job back in Greenville that would start the beginning of January. I was very close to taking the job when I heard that he wasn’t going to be returning to Greenville for the spring semester. I knew that my parents did not really want me to take the job, but I did not care. I had to call the family and tell them that I was going to turn down their job offer. I was desperately trying to find a job at home, because I knew I could not keep living off of my parents. I felt like I was five again and completely dependent on my parents. However, they were okay with me being at home. They knew I had a lot of healing that needed to take place even though I could not see that for myself.

Day after day went by in January, and I could not find a job. I had applied for a job at the hospital and had an interview. I had to wait a long time before I heard anything, so I kept applying for other jobs. I never heard back from any of them, and that became very frustrating to me. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was very busy with his job, and we couldn’t talk on the phone as much as we had in the past. I leaned very hard on him through all of this time, and all of a sudden, he was not there for me. I could not talk to any of my friends from school, because they aren’t allowed to talk to a person who does not have campus privileges. I would not be allowed back on campus for a year, after which I could have a meeting with the Dean of Women. I finally heard back from the hospital, and they had given the job to someone else. That was extremely disappointing to me, and it is around this time that I hit rock bottom. I was so depressed that I could not think straight, and I really wanted to give up on life. I thought about suicide, and even though many of my actions were very selfish I knew that I could not end my life. I could not pray, and I could not read my Bible. Also, I was not sleeping at night, and the events from being shipped and conversations with my boyfriend kept playing over and over again in my head. I could tell that my boyfriend was becoming more distant in my life, and I knew that we were probably going to break up. I did not want that to happen. I tried to control that and make it so we would not break up, even though I knew that was the best thing for us. During this time, I finally had everything stripped away from me. I was living at home without any close friends nearby. My boyfriend was several states away, and our relationship was falling apart. I had nothing to lean on, including myself.

Finally, one night I gave up everything in my life. It was a very difficult thing to hand all of the control that I thought I had over to God, even though He is the one who created me and gives me breath to continue living every day. Once I gave everything up, I felt like a burden had rolled off my back and I was actually able to sleep that night. I had peace for the first time in a long time. After that my attitude changed, and I was able to start reading my Bible and praying again. I started a prayer journal and began writing everything down in it. This was a cleansing time for me. I also started reading through the Psalms. I felt like I could identify with David and the other Psalm writers as they poured their hearts out to God in praise and lament.

I still did not have a job and I was still applying for every job opening in the paper and on the internet. I finally called one of my brother’s bosses at a Landscape Nursery and asked if he would hire me. He said he would not hire me, but he said the nursery might be hiring. I applied and had an interview all within a couple of days. They decided to hire me after my interview, and I started working as a manual laborer in the landscape nursery. It was not my ideal job, but at least it was a job. I was thankful to be making some money to start paying the bills that were beginning to pile up. Since I was working full-time and my boyfriend was working full-time, we talked even less. I could tell that our relationship was becoming more and more a thing of the past, and I was coming to grips with that. I was starting to get my life back on track; although, I was a much different person than I had been before I was shipped from school.

In March my boyfriend and I broke up, and I knew that it was a good thing. Our relationship never had a healthy foundation. I was able to continue taking baby steps in finding myself and rebuilding my life. God knew that I needed to work as a manual laborer at the nursery to learn about life in the real world. I was confronted with all kinds of things, and I had to take a stand for what I believed in. There was a Christian on my work crew, and I am so thankful that he was there.

I continued working at the nursery through the summer. I was still looking at different colleges and trying to find one that I could attend without starting all over. In July, I flew to New Hampshire to spend some time with college friends. It was refreshing to be with them and to hear how their senior year had ended. They were both getting ready to start teaching that fall and in my heart I was a little jealous of them. I flew back to Kansas at the end of the week and received a phone call that night from a Christian school in Oklahoma City. They desperately needed to hire a kindergarten teacher, and they were wondering if I would be interested in the position. I moved to Oklahoma City at the beginning of August and jumped right into full-time teaching. It was a learning year for me. I had three students in my class, and they taught me so much about myself.

After a year of teaching, I decided to go back to school to finish my degree. In 2006, I enrolled at Faith Baptist Bible College in Ankeny, Iowa.. I moved into a condominium with three other girls who I had never met. It was one of the better decisions I have made in my life. They encouraged me in my relationship with Christ, and one of them has become a life-long friend.

That fall I got involved with the college class at my church. We planned a trip to see Wicked in Chicago over Halloween. On this trip, I started becoming better friends with Andrew. He wanted to know why I had transferred to Faith. I really did not want to talk about it while we in a large group of people. The next week he called to see if we could meet for coffee to finish our conversation from Chicago. We met and spent over two hours talking about everything. Andrew laughed when I told him that I had been shipped from BJU. He thought it was a positive thing about me. Meanwhile, I was very surprised at his reaction. Our friendship kept progressing, and shortly thereafter we started dating. Through the ups and downs of our relationship we learned a lot about ourselves and about God’s grace in our lives. We were married in May of 2008. I am very thankful for Andrew. He understands who I am, and he looks at the ugly things in my past as markers of God’s grace.

Two years ago I made a journey to Greenville, SC to meet with the Dean of Women to have my name cleared. It was not an easy journey driving into Greenville and being on the campus. I met with the Dean and then immediately left. So many memories came flooding back from my last semester at BJU, and I saw in a very pronounced way how far I have come away from the legalism which I experienced. I had no desire to look around the campus. There are still a lot of memories that are painful.

It’s taken the last five years for me to be able to talk about this incident without bitterness and pain. The most difficult thing was how the situation was handled. Matthew 18 was not practiced and I felt like I never had complete closure from the situation. It was handled without grace and Christ’s love. I was the evil one who had to be purged from the school, and they way it was handled could have destroyed my life. While those who handled the situation at BJU did not show love, God has been faithful to me. He did not abandon me when I disobeyed Him, and He lovingly brought me back to Himself.

I have deep regret for the decisions I made but I am thankful that I was kicked out of the school. I do not like to think about where I would be today if it had not happened. My attitude was so bad regarding church and God. I do not think that I would be in ministry or have anything to do with church today if I had not been kicked out of BJU. God had to bring me to the end of myself, so that I could understand His sovereignty in my life.

My husband is in seminary and we are preparing to be in ministry wherever God leads us. We have seen the effects of legalism, and we want to minister to those struggling from spiritual abuse. We are thankful for God’s grace in our lives, and we are thankful that He has brought out of our legalistic past.

God Moves in a Mysterious Way

2009-03-31T21:41:00.005-05:00

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

~William Cowper

We sang this text a few weeks ago at Clifton Baptist Church. Bob Kauflin has written a new tune to this old text and you can find a sample here.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-22T23:56:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving! Have you ever thought about the word Thanksgiving? What does it really mean?

Unfortunately here in the wonderful U.S. of A we think that it is a day that should be spent gorging ourselves with great food and sitting on the couch watching football. We all sit around and enjoy our day off of work and spend time with family that we haven't seen since last year's Thanksgiving.

Our lives should really be a constant Thanksgiving. I am convicted so often of how much complaining I do. I get impatient behind the slow driver or the person in line before me who is writing a check. However, as my Mom read today at our Thanksgiving meal I should be thankful for slow drivers because it means I have dependable transportation. I should be thankful for laundry because it means I have clothes.

We celebrate Thanksgiving and on that one day we are more thankful than usual. However, Thanksgiving should make us stop and ask ourselves if we are thankful all of the time.

This past year has been a lot different than I thought it would be when it began in January. But, I wouldn't change any of it. God has taught me so much and broken me of so many things in my life. He has brought new friends into my life and renewed old friendships. He has healed situations that need to be closed as well as opening up new doors that I need to have faith to walk through. He has provided in so many areas and taught me that I need to have faith even when I don't understand!

I am so thankful that I live in a country that has freedom to worship, for a family that loves me, and that I have good health to be able to serve an Awesome God!

FOOTBALL!!

2007-11-05T22:30:00.000-06:00

This weekend Abram and Andrew drove up to Ankeny to go to the K-State/ISU game. I was able to make it to the game in time to watch the last quarter with them. I think it might have been better if I had stayed home. It is a little embarrassing to lose to a team who has only won one previous game. Oh well. . .

I love spending time with my brothers. Their input in my life is very important to me. We have gone through a lot together and all of that has drawn us closer together.

Andrew

2007-11-04T00:08:00.000-05:00

God has brought a wonderful man into my life. Andrew and I have been friends for the last 11 months and have sought God's wisdom and direction for our lives.

I am so thankful for his friendship. He truly is my best friend. He challenges me to expand my horizons and he understands some of my crazy ideas! I know that I can talk to him about anything and everything.

I am excited to see what the future holds and to see how God is going to lead us.

Paul Jones Lecture

2007-10-21T16:23:00.001-05:00

This past weekend we had guest lecturer, Dr. Paul Jones at Faith Baptist Bible College. He is the Organist and Music Director at historic Tenth Presbyterian Church, Philadelphia, PA where he conducts the Tenth Church Choir and the Tenth Chamber Players.

He held three lectures on hymnology and music in the church as well as conducting a hymn festival. Friday night was Reformation Hymns Old and New: A Hymn Festival. The hymn festival was an incredible time of learning the history behind the hymns and then singing them together in a corporate act of worship.

I was only able to attend the Thursday night lecture and the Friday evening Hymn Festival. Both of the events were incredible learning experiences. Even though Dr. Jones is Presbyterian he lines up almost exact with most Baptists. In fact he was raised in a Baptist church in New Brunswick.

His lecture on 'Hymnody in a Post-Hymnody World' was very encouraging. Many people in our church constituency do not understand the concept of worship at all. Dr Jones used the Bible as his primary reference and it was a blessing to hear him lecture about the importance of hymns and music in the corporate worship service.

Thy Way, Not Mine, O Lord

2007-10-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
However dark it be;
Lead me by Thine own hand,
Choose out the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough,
It will be still the best;
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not, if I might;
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I shall walk aright.

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill,
As best to Thee may seem;
Choose Thou my good and ill.

Choose Thou for me my friends,
My sickness or my health;
Choose Thou my cares for me
My poverty or wealth.

The kingdom that I seek
Is Thine: so let the way
That leads to it be Thine,
Else I must surely stray.

Not mine, not mine the choice
In things or great or small;
Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
My Wisdom, and my All.

Thankful

2007-10-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

Every day as I go about my daily activities there are many little things that I take for granted. For example:

green turn lights
heat
a friend stopping by just to say HI
voicemails
good health
salvation
my family being close
music
a deep conversation
working in a Christian environment
instant messenger
an educational book
electricity
sunlight
the ability to study on my own
anything teal
Christian friends that rebuke as well as encourage
ability to sing and make music

Just thinking about these small things has made me think about my own life. How often do I go out of my way to thank someone for doing a great job or for taking time out of their day to think about me? Life is short. I have to be willing to stop whatever I am doing and deal with the situation at hand. I love my job because people stop in to see me and I am able to stop what I am doing and just talk with them and find out how they are doing. In the end we minister to each other!

Fall

2007-10-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

Fall has finally arrived in Iowa!! I have been waiting for the real fall to come since the middle of September. Unfortunately the weather has been warm and very summer like.

But now, the leaves are crunchy and when I leave to go to work in the morning the air is cool and crisp. I would love to be at home sitting by the bonfire just talking and looking at the stars.

I want to go to a football game and wear my hoodie and take my thermos of hot chocolate and enjoy the wonderful weather!!

I love fall!!

Brokenness

2007-10-03T06:46:00.000-05:00

Another book that I have been reading lately is "Brokenness - The Heart that God Revives" by Nancy Leigh Demoss. It discusses the need for brokenness in the life of everyone who puts their trust in God. We as Christians do not see ourselves as needy and humbled before a powerful God. Instead we think that we can do it all in our own strength. When we try to accomplish things in our own strength then we as the human receive the glory and not our Heavenly Father who created us.

"Brokenness is not a feeling or an emotion. Rather , it requires a choice, an act of the will. Further, this choice is not primarily a one-time experience, though there may be profound and life-changing spiritual turning points in our lives. True brokenness is an ongoing, constant way of life. True brokenness is a lifestyle–a moment-by-moment lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life–not as everyone else thinks it is but as he knows it to be.

Brokenness is the shattering of my self-will–the absolute surrender of my will to the will of God. It is saying "Yes, Lord!"–no resistance, no chafing, no stubbornness–simply submitting myself to his direction and will in my life."

Esther

2007-09-21T22:32:00.000-05:00

I have been reading a commentary on Esther and Ruth. Right now I am working my way through the book of Esther. Everytime I read the book of Esther it amazes me that God is never mentioned in the book. However, God's sovereignty is very much evidenced in Esther's life. This is an excerpt from the commentary dealing with prayer.

"Once again, when we consider the empire of Ahasuerus and the kingdom of God side by side, we cannot but be struck at the contrast. Praise God that we serv an altogether different king than the one that Esther knew. Approaching God is not like approaching Ahasuerus, with our knees trembling and hearts wondering whether we will survive the encounter. Who can predict how such a capricious ruler will respond? One day suppliants might find favor in his eyes, and he would welcome them in; the next day it would be "off with their heads" literally!

Our God, however, invites us to come into his presence regularly, indeed frequently, so that we may make known to him our petitions and requests. No special subtlety is required in framing our desires. We don't need flowery court language or crafty pyschological maneuvers to trick God into givings us what we need. On the contrary, he is a Father to us, and if even earthly fathers provide good things for their children, how much more will our heavenly Father give us the things we need to grow and prosper? What a contrast in tone there is between Mordecai's admonition to Esther to put her life on the line in order to seek favor with Ahasuerus and Paul's command to the Philippians: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God" (Phil. 4:6). Or the exhortation in Hebrews: "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Heb. 4:16). Our King has an open-door policy."

-Excerpt from Esther and Ruth - Iain M. Duguid

Let's Make a Deal

2007-09-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

Noah and I before Let's Make a Deal

This past weekend was Homecoming Weekend at Faith. My department was mostly in charge of planning the activities for Friday night after the Homecoming dinner. The event for the Trivial Frivolities this year was Let's Make a Deal.

Jason and Mark emceed the whole event. I was on stage displaying the products and Brenda and Jessica were the runners who put all of the prizes out on the stage for each round!

We had told the kids all week that they needed to dress up in a seventies outfit. When Friday night finally rolled around it was incredible to see how many of them had dressed up and to see their creativity! They did a really good job and many of them won some neat prizes like a IPOD shuffle, a dorm survival package, cash, and many other fun things!

We as a staff had a great time planning out the event and seeing it actually come together! We are also thankful that the weekend went well and is over with!!

God's Goodness

2007-08-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

The last few days I have been thinking about the past year and how many things have changed. My heart is overflowing with all of the blessings that God has given me. I am so thankful for each thing that God has brought into my life in the past year. Trust me, not all of the situations have been easy but I have grown so much in my relationship with the Lord.

I moved to Ankeny, Iowa in August of 2006. I moved into a condo with three other girls that I had never met. However, when I heard about the opportunity to move into the condo I had an incredible peace. God has truly given me three more sisters in Christ and they have become some of my closest friends.

In November of 2006 I found out that I had made the summer ministry team tryouts for the Music Ministry team. I would be traveling for Faith Baptist Bible College in the summer of 2007. Ever since I was a little girl I had wanted to travel on a ministry team and be able to minister to people and churches. I could not wait to get to know each of my eight teammates in a very close and personal way!

Around the same time as finding out about the ministry team I found out that I was going to be traveling to Europe with the FBBC Chorale. We would be ministering in Holland and Germany for 21 days. This would be my third time to Germany and I was ecstatic to be able to use my German!

I also started dating someone during this time. I learned so much through our relationship but after three months we decided it was better for us to not date. I can’t say that it was easy, but God has taught me so much through His Word and through prayer. I have grown so much in my relationship with Him that I would not change a moment.

Now all of these events have happened and I am reflecting on what an incredible year I had. Yes, some of the situations were not fun to go through at the time but I have already been able to put what I learned through each trial into ministering to other people!

God taught me so much being on the ministry team this summer. I had to learn how to deny my selfish desires and being willing to submit to others and have a good attitude about it! Some of my closest friends are my teammates and I know that it is a friendship for life! It was an interesting summer because a lot of us were experiencing unknowns in our life and we really had to depend upon God. So many times we found ourselves thanking God that He is a faithful God because we saw that evidenced over and over again in our lives!

I am so thankful for each friendship that I have been able to develop over the past year. I am excited about what God is going to be doing in the future. I am starting a new job that will have me interacting with many people and I am excited to share with them what I have learned from God’s Word.

God is good ALL of the time!!!!

ROADTRIP

2007-08-23T20:53:00.000-05:00

After my team was done traveling for the summer I embarked on my own trip that I had planned earlier in the year!

First stop was in St. Louis to see Cari and Phil. We attended Les Miserable in downtown St. Louis. It was excellent and a lot of fun. The play was at the outdoor theatre so it was a little warm that evening.

Wednesday morning I got up and drove to Louisville, Kentucky where I visited Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Since I was there at Southern as a prospective student I was able to stay on the campus and be immersed in campus life! I attended a hymnology class and talked to different professors in the music department. I was very impressed with the school and with the credentials of the professors as well as their love for the Lord.

From Louisville I traveled to South Carolina. My friend Rachel and I took off for Charleston, SC to spend the evening and all day on Saturday. We had an incredible time shopping in the morning, going to the beach, shopping at the Market and of course eating seafood. I was brave and tried Calamari which I really liked. It is a little difficult to get great seafood in Kansas!!

I was able to catch up with a lot of friends in Greenville that I hadn’t seen in the last three years! It was neat to see what God has been doing in their lives and to see how they are serving Him. I was able to see a good friends’ baby and hear engagement stories! I also was able to see a family that moved from my church in Kansas to Kentucky because the ARMY moved them. It was good to see them getting settled into their home in Kentucky. Life goes on!

After traveling 3,000 miles in 8 days I made it home. It is so nice to be able to sing with my sister and watch movies with my brothers!

Lake Blaine

2007-08-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

Our team had the privilege of working at Camp Lake Blaine in Montana. We all had the opportunity to counsel and get involved in the lives of the kids at camp.

There were twenty-three kids total in the whole camp and I had two campers in my cabin. Even though we had small numbers it didn’t feel like the camp was tiny! We had two guy cabins and two girl cabins on each team. During the game time our campers went at it. They had a lot of fun playing Russian soccer, tube tug, and water games on the last day!

We were able to spend a lot of time in the Word with our campers throughout the week during personal devo time and also cabin time after each message. It was so neat to see the kids relax during the week and open up with their counselors and start growing in their personal relationship with Christ.

On Wednesday we took a 6 mile hike up Strawberry mountain. The kids were excited to see huckleberries on the bushes and often held up the rest of the hikers to pick some berries! On Tuesday and Thursday the campers had the opportunity to go tubing out on the lake. The counselors were able to go tubing and water-skiing! I was able to go skiing both days and I loved it! Tim and I helped Stephen learn how to ski and he was able to stay up on his second time!

I was very thankful for the opportunity that God gave us to minister at this camp. We were able to enjoy God’s beautiful creation all week and were reminded of God’s faithfulness and love for each one of us!

Ministry of New Life

2007-07-13T23:40:00.000-05:00

I meant to get this post out two weeks ago. However, when I have time to write something for my blog the internet is not working or I do not have enough time to even check my blog!

God has blessed our team richly this summer. We have had wonderful churches that are excited about our team coming to minister to them. Not only do they enjoy our ministry but they are desiring to minister to our team as well.

One of our churches this past week told us right away when we arrived that they were there to serve us. If we needed to make a Wal-Mart stop or whatever they were there to do it. We could tell that they had spent time in prayer for the concert and they were excited about the opportunity to use the concert as an evangelistic concert!

We spent two weeks in Ohio and New York before going to Pennsylvania for the national GARBC conference. It was a lot of fun to be able to work with the teens in Students Alive! during the GARBC conference. Our team also sang in the opening session and participated in the Talents For Christ competition. We had a great time seeing family and friends and making new friends!

New Life arrived in the beautiful state of Montana today. We will be at two churches on Sunday and then at a camp all of next week. I am excited that our team will be able to minister in the counselor capapcity as well as helping with games, skits and of course music!

I am so thankful for the opportunity that God has given to me to travel with New Life this summer. He has been teaching me so much about myself and revealing areas in my life that I need to work on and change. I am also thankful for the friendships that I have been able to form with my teammates as well as being able to meet many new people along the way. I have been able to stay with some neat families who each have a story to tell and God has used their lives to work in my life!

Thank you for praying for our team!

Specific Prayer

2007-06-19T10:14:00.001-05:00

"There is now still many a suppliant to whom the Lord puts the same question, and who cannot, until it has been answered, get the aid he asks. Our prayers must not be a vague appeal to His mercy, an indefinite cry for blessing, but the distinct expression of definite need.

It demands time and thought and self-scrutiny to find out what really is our greatest need. It searches us and puts us to the test as to whether our desires are honest and real, such as we are ready to persevere in. It leads us to judge whether our desires are according to God's Word and whether we really believe that we shall receive the things we ask. It helps us to wait for the special answer and to mark it when it comes.

With our expression of need and sin, of love and faith and consecration, there must be the pointed statement of what we ask and expect to receive; it is int he answer that the Father loves to give us the token of his approval and acceptance.

Faith is nothing but the purpose of the will resting on God's word and saying: "I must have it." To believe truly is to will firmly."

- Excerpt from With Christ in the School of Prayer - Andrew Murray

Free Day in Indianapolis

2007-06-11T21:26:00.000-05:00

Today was New Life's first free day, and we had a blast exploring Indianapolis' downtown! We visited the War Memorial, a sweet Episcopalian church, the State Capitol, and our favorite. . .the Colt's own RCA stadium!!! We were just looking around the convention center when we met this security guard who offered to take us out on the Colts field as well as show us the Colts locker room!

Contentment

2007-06-06T11:54:00.000-05:00

What is contentment? The last few days I have realized that I have been more content with myself than I have been in the past few months. I think that there are several reasons for this.

The definition of contentment is a state of peaceful happiness or satisfaction. Another definition is to accept (something) as adequate despite wanting something more or better.

To answer my earlier question I think that we need to take a Biblical look at contentment and then I think that we can understand how contentment should be a major part of our lives. The main source of contentment is God. He alone can give us all that we need. I love John Piper’s quote "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in him."

I Timothy 6:6 says that "Godliness with contentment is great gain." Here I see a key factor in our lives as Christians. I am supposed to be seeking Godliness in my life. How do I seek Godliness in my life? The answer to this question is that I am supposed to be spending time in God’s Word and seeking to understand it and to be growing in it. Another area that I can seek Godliness is by spending time with my Lord in prayer. This is a very important aspect of Godliness.

Hebrews 13:5 says "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Wow, the power of this statement. I am supposed to be content with my circumstances no matter what they may be. There are times in life when everything is going wonderful and we are very content with our lives. But what about the day when you get the phone call that one of your parents has passed away and it was completely unexpected? I am still supposed to be content in that as well. I can be content in knowing that God is in control and in knowing that I can rest in Him!
One of the key aspects of contentment that I see is being at peace with yourself and God. This means that you cannot be fighting God for something else in your life. I might think that it makes sense for something else to be in my life, but God is saying the timing right now is not right. I (God) want you to learn something from this lesson that you wouldn’t otherwise learn if I gave you what you want right now.

Philippians 4:11 says that I am supposed to be content in whatsoever circumstance I am in. Our circumstances change from day to day but I am still supposed to be content in the situations that come into my life. Does this mean that I always enjoy the circumstances that are in my life? No, but God has put them there for a reason and I am supposed to obey God’s Word.

Contentment is priceless when it is worked out in my life. The peace that comes along with contentment is wonderful and teaches me to rely upon God’s strength even more instead of in my own strength.

A Few Photos

2007-06-04T10:16:00.000-05:00

Back in Holland

2007-05-26T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today we had a 10 hour bus ride from Berlin, Germany back to Veghel, Holland. It was sad to leave Germany, and amazing to see how quickly the landscape changed when we crossed over into Holland!

For the past 10 days we have been in Germany traveling to a several different cities. We started out in Geisenheim, Germany which is right on the Rhein river. It is a beautiful town and we were able to spend several hours looking around the town. We stayed in a hostel that overlooked the town of Rudesheim and the Rhein river. We had a concert there on Friday night and there were several people that came. I was also able to catch up with an old friend from Bob Jones days who is doing her internship in Mainz for the summer. You never know who God will bring along your path! I also gave my testimony (Zeugnis) here and I was able to do it in German which was a blessing. Several people told me that they understood what I was saying. All of the glory goes to God because it is definitely not me!

We were able to take a river boat ride down the Rhein river and see the Loreylei. It was a beautiful day and wonderful for taking pictures of the castles!

One neat thing about spending the 10 days in Germany was my ability to be able to understand the language. I was amazed at how much I could understand after not hearing the language spoken for 3 years! That was a huge blessing and an encouragement to me. I still love the language so much!

From there we went south to the Bavarian Alps which are magnificent! We had a concert on Sat. night there as well as one Sunday morning in the local rehabilitation hospital. They were both well attended and the gospel was clearly presented! On Sunday afternoon we quickly rode the chairlift up the mountains so that we could see out over the valleys! We had some imitations of the Sound of Music and were also able to see a hang-glider take off from the mountain! It was a perfect day for it because it was very windy!

Sunday night we went to Landshut and had a concert there. Monday morning found us up early so that we could catch the train to Munich. We spent all day there. We were able to sing in several Cathedrals and then spent an hour singing in the marketplace as well as inviting people to come to our concert that evening. We also handed out many tracts and had some opportunities to share with people. We also managed to find a little time to do shopping. (By the way Mom, does the Karstadt look familiar to you?) Who would have thought 7 years ago that I would be singing with the Faith Baptist Bible Chorale in Munich?! And yes, this time I did enjoy the city. . .maybe the third time is the charm! :)

It is going to be a very busy day but we are excited about it. Just quickly, tonight we had the opportunity to visit with our host family's son and girlfriend. They are both unsaved and really don't want to talk about it. However, we are going to try and send them a cd of our concert since they won't be able to make it to a concert.

Also, another prayer request is for our bus driver Theo. He came to one of our concerts in Germany and is hopefully going to come to a concert tomorrow night. We were able to share the Gospel with him several times and are really praying for him. When he came to the 1st concert he told us that it gave him goosebumps and we could tell that he was tearing up at some of the songs. The Gospel is clearly presented in our program and we are excited to see God work!

From Germany

2007-05-20T16:06:00.000-05:00

I am writing this on a beautiful Sunday morning in the mountains!

We are in Bad Heilbrunn which is in Bavaria almost into Austria. It is absolutely beautiful here and we have had a good time. I wish that we were staying here longer, but we are leaving this afternoon for Landshut!

We arrived in Germany on Thursday after a long day of travel across Holland and Eastern Germany. It was a good day of travel though and we arrived in the afternoon and were able to check into our hostel. The hostel was very clean and nice and was on top of the hill so we had a gorgeous view of Rudesheim and the Rhein River. The weather was also beautiful. The last couple of days in Holland had been very cloudy and rainy so it was nice to see the sun.

Thursday night we had dinner at the church in Geisenheim. It was great to see the facilities decorated and used instead of just freshly painted! After dinner we walked around the town and some of the team managed to find the Eis (ice cream) stand! The ice cream in Europe is far better than in the U.S.! Friday morning we got up and the majority of us walked down to Rudesheim from our hostel which is about a 30 min. walk. It was good to be able to get some exercise. We have been sitting a lot on the bus and eating a lot of wonderful food!

We are getting ready to head up the mountains on a cable car to see the Bavarian Alps! They are so beautiful and it is nice and warm here! :) After that we are leaving to go to Landshut and we will have a concert there tonight! Tomorrow we are spending all day in Munich!

Day One in Holland

2007-05-15T16:03:00.000-05:00

Today we didn't have to be anywhere until 12:30 so we were free to do whatever with our host family! I am staying with 2 other girls from the Chorale with a couple who are in their upper 50's. Their names are Wim and Lia. They speak very good English and have already been a challenge to me about evangelism. Last night they couldn't pick us up at the church because they were downtown at the book table. Anyway. . I digress! This morning we got up and had a leisurely breakfast. After we were ready we walked to their market and picked up a few things for our meals. They showed us around and took us by the school where we saw the bike lot! There are 16 million people in Holland and 18 million bikes! Think about that one for a minute! :)

Then we came back to their home and we had to take pictures because they have an immaculate yard. Lyn and I are staying on the 3rd floor of their home in like an attic room. It is the kind of room that I always wanted as a kid! Then we had coffee because at 11:00 the Dutch have coffee and cake! That was a wonderful time to visit with them! :) Then we left around 12 to go meet everyone else at the Catholic church. David Boyd (the missionary that we are working with right now) gave us a tour of the Catholic church and explained to the Chorale some things about Catholicism in Europe. I sat down in one of the pews just so I could spend some time in prayer. As I was praying I was able to thank the Lord that we do not have to go to a pries or go through a priest but that we can go directly to God and talk to Him. That is an awesome thing and something that I take for granted so often. Wim (our host dad) shared his testimony with us on the way to the church. He was a Catholic for 40 years and on his 40th birthday someone shared with him the Gospel and he knew that that was the truth and he accepted Christ. 3 weeks later his wife came to know Christ as her Savior and then 3 weeks later Wim's twin brother came to know Christ. It showed me how much I take for granted my salvation and the knowledge that I have. I think of it as something that is commonplace and in the U.S. it is to a certain extent, but not here in Europe. Anyway, all of that to say how thankful I am for my salvation!

We sang in several different marketplaces this afternoon and handed out flyers for our concert in Veghel on June 1. We had several good contacts and Wim was able to talk to several people and give them tracts.

After we were done singing we came back to our host family's house to spend the evening with them. We ate supper which was wonderful. Then after supper we went to a forest and went for a walk. It was very nice and so wonderful to get some exercise! After that they surprised us and told us that they were going to take us by their son's apartment. So we were able to meet their son and his girlfriend. Their apartment was incredible! Very modern and clean. . .lots of white and stainless steel! Great for me! My camera wasn't working so I wasn't able to take any pictures. :( We had a good time with them even though most of the time they spoke in Dutch!

So, we had a good first day in Holland. Tomorrow we are going sight-seeing and then we have our first concert tomorrow night. Please pray about that with us. Our singing today was a little rough. . .it's been a little while since we have sung our program!

Thankful

2007-05-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

This weekend I went home expecting to be able to have a fun time at home with my family before I leave for the summer. Friday night we received a phone call from my Great-Uncle wondering where my Grandmother was or if we had heard from her. He told us that a tornado had been close to Greensburg (my Grandmother's town) and that he had not heard from her. We immediately began trying to find as much information about the storm and my Grandmother as possible. Finally on Saturday afternoon we were able to find my Grandmother. She was at home cleaning her house which miraculously was still standing. The windows and glass doors had been sucked out of the house. . .but otherwise nothing in the house had broken.

My family and I were able to get on the Internet and see pictures of the town. We could not believe the damage. There are a lot of memories in that town for our family. My Mom was raised there and that is always where we went in the summer time. My Mom and Dad met in Greensburg and were married in the Methodist church that now is destroyed. We loved to go downtown to the Drugstore and visit the Soda Fountain where we would order a vanilla coke! From there we would go visit the Big Well and the gift shop that was behind it.

In a matter of 30 minutes all of that was gone and lives were changed. People were wondering where they could go and if they should rebuild. My Grandmother was able to make some decisions very quickly, but life will change so much for her in the next month.

However, God is still in control and still on the throne! My family and I are praying that through this disaster that lives will be changed and that many will come to know Christ as their Savior. My Dad has the opportunity to work and talk with those who have lost everything in the tornado while my Mom is able to minister to her family as they clean up from the disaster.

I am thankful that my Grandmother is okay and that our family is able to help her recover from the disaster! God is Good!

The Teacher

2007-05-01T12:17:00.001-05:00

A hymn text found in early Christian writing is the one appended at the end of Clement of Alexandria’s treatise The Teacher. It is the earliest Christian hymn text to survive in its entirety. Written in Greek poetic form, it is a prayer for guidance, especially for youth, and a hymn of praise to Christ that addresses him in metaphors that suggest guidance, leading, steering, and nurturing. This is a recent rendition by F. Bland Tucker:

Jesus, our mighty Lord,
our strength in sadness,
the Father’s conquering Word,
true source of gladness;
your name we glorify,
O Jesus, throne on high;
you gave yourself to die
for our salvation.

Good shepherd of your sheep,
your own defending,
in love your children keep
to life unending.
You are yourself the Way:
lead us then day by day
in your own steps, we pray,
O Lord most holy.

Glorious their life who sing,
with glad thanksgiving,
true hymns to Christ the King
in all their living:
all who confess his Name,
come then with hearts aflame;
the God of peace acclaim
as Lord and Savior.

Excerpt from A New Song for An Old World - Calvin R. Stapert

Tulip Time

2007-04-29T16:53:00.000-05:00

Brenda and I drove down to Pella, Iowa to see the beautiful tulips. There weren't as many tulips in bloom this year because of the hard frost that we had at the beginning of April. However, the ones that were in bloom were very pretty. We had a fun morning looking in the quaint shops and enjoying the flowers and beautiful spring day!

Certainty of the Answer to Prayer

2007-04-27T17:19:00.000-05:00

This is another little section of a book that I am reading. It has been so neat to see the things that I already believe about prayer reaffirmed in this book.

"It is one of the terrible marks of the diseased state of Christian life in these days that there are so many who rest content without the distinct experience of answer to prayer. They pray daily, they ask many things, and trust that some of them will be heard, but know little of direct definite answer to prayer as the rule of daily life. And it is this the Father wills: He seeks daily intercourse with His children in listening to and granting their petitions. He wills that I should come to Him day by day with distinct requests; He wills day by day to do for me what I ask. It was in His answer to prayer that the saints of old learned to know God as the Living One and were stirred to praise and love. Our Teacher waits to imprint this upon our minds: Prayer and its answer, the child asking and the father giving, belong to each other."

-Excerpt from "With Christ in the School of Prayer" by Andrew Murray

Tickets to Amsterdam!!!

2007-04-19T18:39:00.000-05:00

Today in chorale we received our plane tickets for our trip to Germany and Holland. I can't believe that in a little over 3 weeks we will be in Europe. It has seemed like a dream for so long and now it is almost here! I am excited about the opportunity to serve alongside the missionaries and to be able to see friends that I met three years ago when I was in Germany.

I know that God is going to teach our team much about relying on Him while we are in Europe for three weeks. Many members on the team have never traveled internationally before and are thrilled at the opportunity to go with the Chorale. We will be together for three weeks so we are either going to hate or love each other when we get back! I am eager to see how God is going to work in each of our lives while we are there.

Break My Plans

2007-04-17T20:22:00.000-05:00

This is one of the songs that is sung by the group This Hope. The text of this song is the personal testimony of the Romanian man who wrote it. He has written over 8,000 songs that are published in 16 volumes. When he was a young man he was imprisoned for writing Christian songs and was sentenced to 10 years hard labor. During his imprisonment he continued writing and composing over 360 songs. The prayer of this man's life is: "Lord,

Break My Plans."

Break My Plans

The praise songs of a nation flowed from his hand

And in a world of dark oppression he made a stand

They told him to be silent, and led him away

Ten years was the sentence, a prisoner of faith

As he waited for God's timing

Another winter chilled the air

And when he thought of his own family

He was filled with despair

So he cried out for justice, was there any other way

But then he gave it all to Jesus, as he began to pray

Break my plans, shape my heart

Take my will to where You are

Move my mind through Your Word

'Til all that I am lives to love You, Lord

I know I'm called to suffer and take up my cross

But sometimes I grow so fearful when I count the cost

Still my heart wants to follow, and walk in Your ways

To be counted with the faithful, Lord guide me today

With all my heart, my strength, and my soul

I will love You, God

So use my life and take complete control.

This text is so convicting to me because if I say that I want God to break my plans, do I really mean that?

Weekend with Friends

2007-04-16T15:40:00.000-05:00

4 of my friends and I went up to Minneapolis this past weekend to just get away! It was so much fun to just spend time with friends and not have to worry about homework. We went to the Mall of America on Sat. night and just shopped around! Then on Sunday we were able to visit John Piper's church. It was an incredible experience. I have so much respect for his ministry. He is very humble and desires to know God better every day. After church we made our visit to IKEA where we were able to pick up a few items! Even though we were gone less than 24 hours it was a great weekend trip!!!!

What is My Attitude Toward Prayer?

2007-04-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

I started reading Andrew Murray's "With Christ in the School of Prayer" today and I found a paragraph that describes exactly what I have come to conclude about prayer. It is not just bringing my request before God one time, but instead it should be an earnest pleading before the Throne of God. This paragraph states better than I ever could what our attitude of prayer should be and how God views prayer.

"In connection with this there is another truth that has come to me with wonderful clearness as I studied the teaching of Jesus on prayer. It is this: that the Father waits to hear every prayer of faith, to give us whatsoever we will and whatsoever we ask in Jesus' name. We have become so accustomed to limit the wonderful love and the large promises of our God, that we cannot read the simplest and clearest statements of our Lord without the qualifying clauses by which we guard and expound them. If there is one thing I think the church needs to learn, it is that God means prayer to have an answer, and that it hath not entered into the heart of man to conceive what God will do for His child who gives himself to believe that his prayer will be heard. God hears prayer; this is a truth universally admitted but of which very few understand the meaning or experience the power. If what I have written stirs my reader to go to the Master's words and take His wondrous promises simply and literally as they stand, my object has been attained."

Taken from the Introduction to "With Christ in the School of Prayer" - Andrew Murray

Ipod Nano

2007-04-05T15:10:00.000-05:00

This is my new toy and early birthday present thanks to my parents and grandparents! I am enjoying using it when I run and also on the long van trips for Chorale and New Life! I still have yet to download some Piper sermons to it, but they are coming soon!

Of course it doesn't hurt that it is my favorite color!

Thanks Mom and Dad! I love you!

Reflections During Holy Week

2007-04-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

The text of this hymn is an incredible testimony of what Christ did for us on the cross. Christ's death, burial, and resurrection should be celebrated throughout the year. However, I think that during the year we often forget that Christ made a sacrifice to leave Heaven to come to earth to save a sinful human being such as I.
Oh, that we would have the imprint of Christ's sacrifice stamped upon our minds. Then we would have a proper perspective of how to worship God. We would see that our worship is to be solely Christ alone (Solus Christus).
This text ends with the fact that we should spend our days in endless praise for what Christ accomplished for us with His sacrifice.

My song is love unknown,
My Savior’s love to me;
Love to the loveless shown,
That they might lovely be.
O who am I, that for my sake
My Lord should take, frail flesh and die?

He came from His blest throne
Salvation to bestow;
But men made strange, and none
The longed for Christ would know:
But O! my Friend, my Friend indeed,
Who at my need His life did spend.

Sometimes they strew His way,
And His sweet praises sing;
Resounding all the day
Hosannas to their King:
Then “Crucify!” is all their breath,
And for His death they thirst and cry.

Why, what hath my Lord done?
What makes this rage and spite?
He made the lame to run,
He gave the blind their sight,
Sweet injuries! Yet they at these
Themselves displease, and ’gainst Him rise.

They rise and needs will have
My dear Lord made away;
A murderer they saved,
The Prince of life they slay,
Yet cheerful He to suffering goes,
That He His foes from thence might free.

In life, no house, no home
My Lord on earth might have;
In death no friendly tomb
But what a stranger gave.
What may I say?
Heav’n was His home;
But mine the tomb wherein He lay.

Here might I stay and sing,
No story so divine;
Never was love, dear King!
Never was grief like Thine.
This is my Friend, in Whose sweet praise
I all my days could gladly spend.

-Samuel Crossman

Prayer for My Life

2007-04-02T12:22:00.000-05:00

This piece is the benediction for our chorale program. Each time that I sing this piece I am again reminded that this is what I want my life to reflect. A life that desires to rejoice, to bless God, and to serve Him through all of my days.

As Long As I Have Breath

As long as I have breath,
I will praise You, Lord.
As long as I have life,
let my soul rejoice.
In times of sore distress;
in times of loneliness;
As long as I have breath,
I will praise You, Lord.

As long as I have breath,
I will bless You, Lord.
As long as life is mine,
I will sing your song.
Your joy brings forth my praise;
Your peace fills all my days;
As long as I have breath,
I will praise You, Lord.

Let me know Your lovingkindness every day,
As you walk beside me pointing out the way.
As long as I have being,
I will trust in You;
You are my God;
I lift my soul to You.

As long as I have breath,
I will serve You, Lord.
As long as life is mine,
I'll exalt Your word.
And when this life shall pass,
And I'm at home at last;
Thru all eternity,
I will praise You, Lord.

Jenny's Pearls

2007-03-22T18:58:00.000-05:00

This story impacted me today as it was included in the chapel message. The things that I think are so important for my life cannot even begin to compare with the plans that God has for me. I think I know what is best and God has to keep telling me "Hannah, just rest in Me and know that I have a perfect plan for your life." I hope that this story will impact your life as much as it has mine.

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace, and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don't forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?" Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her.

Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls. How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere-to kindergarten, bed and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the shower-her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green!

Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, "Jenny, do you love me?" "Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little girl said. "Well, then, give me your pearls." "Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said. "But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?" "Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. "Good night, little one."

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, "Do you love me?" "Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you." "Well, then, give me your pearls." "Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She's my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy," the little girl said to her father. "No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. "God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. "Here, Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father's hand. With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.

What a picture of our Heavenly Father! He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives that we hold so dear and to see what He has had for us all along!

Are you Amazed?

2007-03-20T15:53:00.001-05:00

Evidences of God's Sovereignty

2007-03-19T12:43:00.000-05:00

While we were on chorale tour we had the opportunity to interact with many people by staying in their houses, eating meals with them, and visiting with them after our concerts!

During the week God brought three special people into our lives who are in need of God's saving grace! At our Wednesday night concert there was a woman there who our choir director had had the chance to get know while taking a class last summer. She came at the invitation of the Pastor's wife who is her colleague. Because Doc had built a relationship with her last summer during their class she connected with our program and was more attentive. Our program gives the Plan of Salvation very clearly through the texts of our pieces. We are continuing to pray that one day she will ask Christ to be her PERSONAL Savior.

Friday night when we arrived at the church we were excited to find out that the Pastor had a German foreign exchange student staying with them. Again, God had put in our choir 2 people who were MK's in Germany and one native German! They were all able to speak with the foreign exchange student that night before and after our concert. As we gave our concert that night it was stirring to watch her as she participated in the songs and was attentive during the concert! After the service our German was able to share the whole plan of salvation with her in German and answer the many questions that she had. She did not accept Christ that night but she heard the Good News! We are sending her a German Bible and praying that we can stay in contact with her as she goes back to Germany this summer.

The last person that God brought into our lives during our spring tour was our bus driver. He has driven the charter bus for the Chorale for several years and we were excited when we found out that he was going to be our driver again! We had the opportunity to show Christ to him for 10 days. He also came to several of our concerts and heard the Gospel proclaimed clearly several times through testimony and through song! Hopefully one day soon we will hear that he has accepted Christ as his Savior.

Just seeing how God brought these three people into our lives during our spring tour reminds me that our God is sovereign and in control. We do not know who God will bring into our lives today or tomorrow, but we need to be prepared to build a relationship with them so that we may share Christ to them. We may have our lives planned according to how we want them to be, but God has a much better plan. If we will remove ourselves out of the way and let God be in charge we will see Him work in ways that we could never ordained for ourselves! He truly is a Great and Awesome God!

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

God's Majestic Creation

2007-03-17T20:41:00.000-05:00

God's Grace Still Amazes Me

2007-03-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

The song "Your Grace Still Amazes Me" has come to mean a lot to me in the past month. It became especially meaningful as we traveled on Chorale Tour and truly saw God's grace evidenced in our own lives.
I wanted to post the song as a means of encouragement to others when they are going through a trial or tough situation in life. God's grace is deeper, wider, stronger and higher than we can ever comprehend. He is a patient Savior who loves His Creation more than is deserved.

My faithful Father, enduring Friend,
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end.
It overwhelms me, covers my sin.
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again.

Your grace still amazes me.
Your love is still a mystery.
Each day I fall on my knees
'Cause your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.

Oh patient Savior, You make me whole.
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul.
What can I give You, what can I say?
I know there's no way to repay You,
Only to offer You my praise.

Your grace still amazes me.
Your love is still a mystery.
Each day I fall on my knees
'Cause your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.

It's deeper, it's wider,
It's stronger, it's higher,
It's deeper, it's wider,
It's stronger, than anything my eyes can see, my eyes can see.
Your grace still amazes me.
Your love is still a mystery.
Each day I fall on my knees
'Cause Your grace still amazes me.
Your grace still amazes me.